she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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