We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I look better un-naked...
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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