A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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