Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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