I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He shit in the fireplace
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize