dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize