I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize