He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize