Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize