So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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