I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize