so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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