I'm so fucking centered right now
I need help removing her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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