oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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