yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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