I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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