dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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