The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize