Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize