If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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