there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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