it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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