Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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