When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have post one night stand depression
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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