never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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