I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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