just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize