At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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