Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize