And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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