I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize