I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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