We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Randomize