Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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