i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize