Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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