She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize