my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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