I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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