remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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