Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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