Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize