I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize