I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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