WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize