oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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