If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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