I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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