It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
its liver damage thursday
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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