I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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