Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
