I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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